what might have been

DISCLAIMER: Over the last several months, I have been encouraged to write regularly about the accident from 2004. I am working my way through writing a book about the incident. So, every Tuesday, I've taken the opportunity to write, remember and share snapshots of that tragic event.

Harrison turned 16 this past Sunday. Hard to believe that he is that old. From time-to-time, like so many parents, I like to look back at old photos and see how much he has changed and how far he has come. Last week, in the final days before his birthday, I found myself thinking about those changes, especially over the last 6 -1/2 years since the accident.

I know this next statement may sound a little crazy but, hey, I'm just being honest. I wonder often what Sarah thinks about the way I'm raising the kids. I'm sure there were many times, during the three years I was a single dad, that she was up in heaven just moaning at some of the boneheaded things I did. Now, with Lisa's help, I watch Harrison grow into a young man and Abby develop into the young lady we had prayed for since the beginning. But I still catch myself second-guessing things I did and, occasionally, patting myself on the back because I handled something well.

Both of my kids were extremely close to their mother. I think the hardest prayer I prayed in the post-accident days (maybe the hardest I ever prayed for anything) was that God would help navigate my kids through their loss and make them into what Sarah and I had prayed for. I'd like to think we're close. I'd like to think that my stubbornness or busyness or hard-headed attitude or anger...that they haven't interfered with what God intended from the beginning with those two.

I guess any parent wonders. Wonders how certain choices may impact their kids' future--the divorce or the career change or the relocation or the loss of a loved one. I know Lisa and I have talked about that with all of our kids. We all try to imagine the "what-ifs" surrounding those life changing decisions. But there's really no use in giving in to the temptation to ask...we just can't go back again. In fact, it's much wiser to leave that concern in the hands of the only One who will ever really know anyway.

Flicker

Back a few weeks ago, I walked into the house from work to catch one of my kids standing in the pantry. Now, that's not an unfamiliar place for them after school, so I didn't think much about it. As I made my way through the den toward the bedroom, Abby caught me out of the corner of her eye. "Dad, you've got to do something about this light bulb." Before she could finish, Harrison chimed in from upstairs on the computer, "Oh my word, yes! That thing drives me crazy."

I knew instantly what they were talking about. Lisa had mentioned it to me a couple of days before. The fluorescent light at the top of the pantry was flickering, a sure sign the bulb was going bad and about to go out. In the mean time, all it did was flicker--annoyingly. So, as you stood there trying to examine the shelves for what you were looking for, you were going crazy with the inconsistent flickering of a light gone bad.

That story came to my mind a few minutes ago as I looked at a verse sitting on my desk:

You are the light of the world....let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14, 16 NIV

Rather than resolutions this time of year, maybe what we should ask ourselves is "Who do I really want to be? What is it that really matters most to me? What kind of relationships do I want? What behaviors do I desire in my life? What do I want to be known for at the end of my life? How can I live with no regrets?" These are the kinds of questions that lead us to real, permanent change. The kind of change that allows your light to be more permanent, displaying God's grace consistently. Not a flickering annoyance to a world that is watching. I want to close with some words from Billy Graham that a friend shared with me this morning.

“With the New Year before us let us prepare ourselves for spiritual battle. Let Christ be more than mere sentiment. Away with pretense and half-heartedness. Away with compromises and defections. Away with faith that awakens only on holidays. Away with faith that is as flimsy and as seasonable as tinsel. These are days of emergency. The trumpet call is sounding. He that puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of God. Let’s put our lives on the line for Jesus Christ. Nothing short of this will do.”

This one's for the men...

...and for the wives who choose to read it.

There's an old Spanish proverb that says, "He who does not honor his wife dishonors himself." God chose to put it this way in Ephesians: No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.

Here is my challenge guys. While you are thinking about new year's resolutions like eating right and exercising more, how about adding in another one that is far more important...treat your wives with respect.

Now, before you back off and think I am preaching, I'm not. Did you hear me? I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to us. One of the things I'm learning about myself is that I can start to take this gift from God (Lisa) for granted. I forget that she has needs, that she's different from me, that she deserves my very best. It's easy to turn the focus on myself and even fall into the trap of a "pity-party" because I don't think she is treating me fairly.

The relationship that God designed for men and women is one of mutual respect and submission. Yes, I believe that God desires for men to lead their families. But I don't believe that means you have any extra rights or special privileges. Rather, it means you have added responsibilities as the leader of your wife and children.

I've heard for years how Christianity is a male-dominated faith and that it keeps women suppressed. NOTHING could be further from the truth. From the moment Jesus' ministry began, He started the long process of elevating women to a place of honor and respect. He battled the cultural norms of his day to establish women as something of major worth in the eyes of their Creator.

What that means for us guys is this...if we are going to follow Christ, we must do the same. Your wife is not a "ball-and-chain," she's your partner, your mate and friend. Women are not objects to be desired, subjects to be controlled or servants to take care of your needs. They are--as all people are--precious people created in the image of God.

As a dad in the 21st century, I have to work hard to monitor my attitude towards Lisa and all women. I have to be careful what I teach my son and challenge him to be Christ-like in his treatment of women. Let me tell you, it's not an easy battle. But it's the right thing to do if I am going to be found as a true Christ follower and ask him to do the same.

Ask yourself today, how can I better focus on my wife and her needs? How can I give her the respect that she deserves and God desires? This is a resolution you will not regret.

Grace-healed eyes

DISCLAIMER: Over the last several months, I have been encouraged to write regularly about the accident from 2004. I am working my way through writing a book about the incident. So, every Tuesday, I've taken the opportunity to write, remember and share snapshots of that tragic event.

I've said before that compassion was not my strong suit before the accident. I used to jokingly tell people that God gave me Sarah to be my soft, compassionate side because I had very little to spare. It's not that I was ever mean or cold. I just tended to see things in a very black and white way with little room for grace. As much as it pains me to say this, I was better talking about the love of Christ for hurting people than I was at living it.

April 9th, 2004 changed that. My own personal journey from that day forward took me to depths of sorrow and heights of anger that I never knew existed in me. I experienced ranges of emotions that were far beyond anything I had known before that day. And God used the accident to do something new in me.

My eyes were slowly opened to the Jesus of Scripture. Isaiah described Him as a "man of sorrows" and a suffering servant. The Gospels showed Him to be friendly with sinners and those in need. In all of Jesus' life, the grace of God was on display as He walked the hillsides of Galilee and the streets of Jerusalem.

The events of my life have taught me that God desires we display His grace in the same way.

Philip Yancey puts it this way. "Because God loves the poor, the suffering, the persecuted, so should we. Because God sees no undesirables, neither should we. By his own example, Jesus challenged us to look at the world through...'grace-healed eyes.'"

God is teaching me--patiently, I might add--to do that very thing. I can understand pain now in a way I never had before. I know what it means to question God, to doubt your faith and to wonder about everything your parents ever taught you. In the weeks after the accident, I yelled at God, screamed "unfair" and debated him much like David and Job. What happened in the process was that God softened my heart to see others through those "grace-healed eyes."

I believe Yancey's on to something. Lack of compassion may be one of the top reasons why the world runs when they see the church coming "to the rescue." It may be the very reason that the hooker, the single mom, the harried businessman and the doubting teens of our world are looking everywhere but the church for answers. The question "does God really care" should be answered with a resounding "YES" by the hearts of those who are willing to show their own scars and reveal their own stories of healing.

You have them too, you know. The sins forgiven. The burdens lifted. The fears washed away. The doubts silenced. The conflicts that have been given peace. Each one bears testimony to a God who not only cares...but cares very deeply. Show the world your scars...and let them know your Healer.

Goals

Welcome to 2011! If you are like most Americans, you've been thinking a great deal about this new year over the last several days. Whether you call them goals or resolutions or just reflections, there is something to be said for taking the time to look ahead and think about what the new year may hold for you. For me--and maybe for you--the great challenge is diminishing the gap between my goals for 2011 and God's plans for me. A lot of times, I feel like I'm right on target with what God has for me when He will says, "Surprise! Guess what? I've got more in store for you than you thought?" Isn't it funny how much we underestimate God's desires for us and His ability to pull them off? So, I thought I'd share a few of God's promises for you based on what Scripture says. Maybe it will help you to raise the bar in your planning and dreaming for 2011:

• Speak boldly to others about your faith this year. God's promise (Isaiah 55:11) is that His word will not return empty but will accomplish exactly what He desires in His time.
• Stand firmly against the trials that will come into your life this year. If you stand in God's power, He has promised that nothing can overcome you (Isaiah 54:17 and 1 John 4:4)
• God is still at work in your life no matter where you are or what you are up against. If you are trusting in Him and following after Him, He has promised to bring your life to perfection (Philippians 1:6). That's right...perfection!
• Trust God with your plans...big and small. Know that He rewards those who seek after Him. (Hebrews 11:6)
• God has a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). He always has. But you have to believe that His plan is better and bigger than the ones you have for yourself (Ephesians 3:20).
• Let God's word guide you as you dream about the future. His Word will never steer you into wasted agendas or pointless daydreaming (Psalm 119:1-8...actually the whole chapter).

Let me just encourage you with some final words. Live passionately. Love deeply. Seek knowledge. Serve others. And believe with all your heart that God has something big for you in 2011. No matter how it started, the next 362 days can be the best you have ever experienced.