Psalm 139 has been one of my favorite passages in Scripture since I was in high school. I've always taken comfort and gained strength from the knowledge that God knows all about me, that He truly understands every thought I have and every action I take. And, as if I needed to be reminded of His greatness, it says that He knows all this before it ever happens.
That added a different perspective to my conversations with God in the months after the wreck. I believe God knew that this wreck would happen. I believe He knew that my wife's life would be cut short at 33 and that I would lose my precious son to a medical error. I also believe He could have stopped it.
But what I have had to wrestle with over and over again is this. With His foreknowledge of the accident and how life would go afterwards, what did He see that would make Him allow the event to take place? Is it some life that was changed because of the event (because many lives have been altered)? Was it some door that was opened to bring Him glory (because that has happened too)? Am I thinking too deeply and not trusting Him enough, believing that somehow knowing those answers would make this journey go differently?
Again, I go back to the comfort of knowing that He knows...that's got to be enough. For me to know any more would rattle my mind. For me to know any less, would cause me to doubt. So, in all areas of my life, I must hold unswervingly to the promise that the One who knows is also the One who leads. If you're having doubts today, I encourage you to pick up a Bible and re-read Psalm 139. For now, find comfort in this:
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!...When I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139:16-18NIV