One of the more difficult adjustments after Sarah's death was missing out on the conversations that we would have. I know this may sound odd but it's a huge gap that forms when the person you most wanted to talk to about life is no longer there.
For instance, there were huge decisions regarding our move back to Middle Tennessee to start Ridgeview Church. The decision itself wasn't so hard. Sarah and I had prayed about it for many months and had accepted the call to go back to Franklin the day before the accident. My heart knew it was the right thing to do.
But there were decisions about when to make the announcement to our church in South Georgia, when to make the move, where to move to, what kind of house we would live in, etc. I remember the day I walked into the house I bought in Franklin. I had a sickening feeling as I looked at rooms and layout and location. I wanted so desperately to talk with Sarah and get her feelings. I wanted to get a mother's opinion on whether it was the right place for Abby and Harrison. All of that was gone.
There were many days I'd come home from the church after we had moved. Some particular meeting or conversation I had that day would leave me wanting to talk with someone further, maybe even to vent a little bit. It just wasn't an option.
Oh, there were other friends around who were more than willing to talk. They just weren't Sarah. And I wanted desperately to look into her face and hear her voice and to find that heart that understood me so well. After being together for over a decade, she knew me better than anyone.
It makes my heart hurt even further when I hear about my friends who have lost loved ones (see my 2.21.11 post) or think about my mom, who lost my dad after almost 50 years together. The simple pleasure of hearing that person laugh, watching them eat across from you at the table or roll over on their side in the bed next to you.
I'm thankful for the woman that God has put in my life now. I'm thankful that He gave me another woman who understands me...puts up with me (God help her). I'm thankful for the simple pleasures that have been restored. My prayer is that anyone who finds themselves at that place right now--missing that friend or that spouse--that you would find perfect peace in a God who majors in the business of restoration.