August 29, 2006

It's truly amazing the fears that can enter your thinking after an event like what my family went through. Since that day, I have dealt with loneliness in many different forms. On top of that have been other fears that I had never really experienced, especially with such intensity. For instance, I had never really feared dying. Because of my faith, I just always knew where I'd be if something were to happen. I had no apprehensions about "what lies beyond". I still don't. My fear now centers around the children I would leave behind if I were to go. They have already been through so much. My prayers for safety for all 3 of us are more intense than they used to be and are, honestly, more self-centered as I worry about what they would do if something were to happen to me. Watching the reports on the plane accident in KY yesterday did not ease those fears. As much as I travel with my position as a pastor and speaker, I have to be on the road alot. With family around the SE, the travels are expanded. And with every journey there is this deep passionate cry to God, "Please keep us safe--please keep me safe. Don't let these kids be alone." I know He could handle it. If that were the story that were to be written for them, He could turn it into a beautiful picture just like he has with this loss. I have to trust that the God who knows the future can handle it...all of it. My job is to pray and to live and to trust and to know with confidence that, whatever happens, He will still be God.