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Thursday, September 07, 2006

I awoke this morning with a tremendous sense of urgency...to roll over and stay in bed. After hitting the snooze, I was very convinced that I could have stayed there all morning. Then I was reminded that there were two little angels upstairs that I had to get ready and get off to school. So I rolled back onto my back and began to pray a prayer I have prayed many times in the last couple of years. "God, I don't want to get up. Quite frankly, I feel like I could lay here a good, long while. But that's not your plan for me today so I will get up. In order to do that, I'm going to need your help--mentally, emotionally, physically. So...as soon as your ready, I'll get up."
Truth is, this has happened more than I care to admit. I'm actually a morning person. But I get to points where I feel so overwhelmed and overmatched and overscheduled and overlooked that I really just don't feel like I can move any further. Some have suggested it is depression. Maybe. I tend to believe it's just "single parent exhaustion" (SPE--that way it sounds more scientific). Like today. It's my day off. So, what will I do for my day off? First, I must respond to e-mails that fill my inbox. Then, I will move outdoors to cut the grass. Hopefully, I will get done in plenty of time to do something I love to do--eat lunch at school with my kids. That's made a little more difficult by the fact that they are in separate schools for the first time this year. Then, I'll run to the grocery store, come home and start laundry and supper, check e-mails again and, if all is done in a precision-like manner, I may have a few minutes before my kids get home to sit down and read a few pages of one of the books that are piled on my desk. I'm not counting on that, however. After the kids are fed, the dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned, we'll get the kids showered, their homework done and prayer time. My "day off" will come to an end and I'll make myself ready for another morning of SPE tomorrow. But before I do, I'll go to sleep thanking God for another day--every single minute of it. For grass that grows and kids that grow even faster. For the money to buy groceries and to have clothes. For kids that love to snuggle with their dad, even as my boy grows older (he doesn't call it snuggling. For him, it's wrestling. That's okay, he can call it what he wants). I've got no reason to complain and many reasons to pray that prayer again in the morning, "God, I don't want to get out of bed but you've got a bigger plan..."

1 comment:

Leigh said...

I was relieved to read this. It makes me feel a little bit better that I'm not alone in this boat! Do you remember that Dunkin' Donuts commercial..."Time to make the donuts...I made the donuts." My version of it is "Time to cut the grass...or time to change the lightbulbs...or time to pay the bills..." At the end of the day, when my children and I pray together, I'm reminded that our God is faithful. Thank you for writing the thoughts that saturate my mind so many days.